Do you ever write a love letter to yourself? I always enjoy receiving comments on this blog but I really write to help myself remember. Writing this blog has been last on my list recently, but I always appreciate looking back at what I was thinking as I create, and I have been painting. With Valentine’s day coming up, I figured it was a good time to send myself some love. I want to focus my mind and get these thoughts down.
I’ve been painting work for my upcoming April show at Waterstone Gallery in Portland. The title of the show is Blame it on the Moon. I wanted to choose a subject that reflected the emotions I’ve been having lately – both positive and negative. Loss has been a huge part of my life in the past two years. My mom died two years ago this month. Before that, my first watercolor teacher passed. Then in June of 2022 my husband died unexpectedly. I’ve also lost two other close mentors more recently.
Although I’m relishing the additional painting time I’ve had recently, and friends and family have stepped up to make me feel loved, I’m missing these special people. The tides of life keep changing. The moon reflects those changes.
The Moon’s Influence
I’m also fairly nocturnal, and I’ve become more so as I adjust to living alone. I think that the darkness allows me to stay more focused because there is less visual distraction. And I love how dim light creates mood and mystery.
Living alone has forced me to focus on myself more. I realized that for much of my life I have oriented my actions around others:
Parents
Siblings
Husband
Kids
Animals
Students
Friends
Colleagues
With parents, husband and close friends needing much less attention from me, I’m finding myself free to stay up late, exercise when i want, eat what I want and make all the decisions based solely on what is best for me. I’m also becoming more independent and self-validating. It’s difficult for a people pleaser like me, but I’m learning to self-soothe, self-discipline and to calmly accept change.
Navigating in the dark – moving through life without my familiar landmarks – is often unsettling. But it does also present beauty in the moments of clarity and focus. The changes I’ve been through lately are major, requiring me to be flexible, alert and aware. My process for making decisions is different – less cluttered by desires from other loved ones. Now I’m doing my best to follow my instincts and analyze what I really want. And I keenly feel the brevity of time. Life is short.
My progress on adjusting to this new life makes me want to create a love letter to myself, to leave something beautiful behind and to create a record of this experience to reflect upon later. Does writing or journaling help you recognize your accomplishments? Give it a try – focusing on the positives. Creating a love letter to yourself might be a great way to celebrate Valentine’s Day!
“People travel to wonder at the height of mountains, at the huge waves of the sea, at the long course of the rivers, and they pass by themselves — without wondering.
St. Augustine
As usual, a beautiful, thought-provoking post about living life as fully as possible after the loss of love ones. I love the Celestial Pull painting and look forward to seeing the show at Waterstone. Congrats on the magazine article—it was great to read about your process in this 6 page spread in a national publication. I’m so happy for you!
Thanks, Liz – I was so honored to be featured
Dear Ruth, I’m sorry for your losses but admire how you’re managing through it and giving yourself what you need to be happy. It is so different how we make decisions based on being with someone rather than being alone. I find myself shifting my patterns much more when I’m alone, even if only for a day!
My motto this year is, “Do Better”. Not just for myself, but for everyone I can influence. I observe a very big world that needs to adopt this motto and truly try to live up to it. Especially during an election year where so much is at stake.
Keep inspiring me and your loyal followers. We all will “do better” by staying connected.
Sandy
Thanks, Sandy – That’s a great motto – you are right on when you say we have so much at stake – and we all need to do better!
The message in your blog was touching, thought provoking and truly beautiful. I suspect your words will give many who read it comfort and encouragement to move on and be wonderful. Thank you!
Thanks, Donna – I hope others can take even a bit of comfort.
Very well written and thoughtful. Happy Valentines Day Ruth and Best wish’s for, I’m sure will be amazing adventures to come. XOXO
Paula
Thank you, Paula – Happy Valentine’s Day!
You write well, Ruth. and you have a following that is interested in what you have to say.
I decided not to do a blog some years ago because i did not think I had an audience. Now I regret that a little. I have always journaled my way thru life, often at times of turmoil and confusion, simply to vent and help myself understand my life. I will continue to do so, but I often wonder what to do with the box of them that I have saved and add too over the years, and then, there are the scraps of writing I have done that are scattered througho out my various sketch books, and not in any chronological order. What will anyone make of these writings? Will anyone care? Its the story of a life, but will anyone care?
Hi Kathy,
We never know how our work or our words might influence someone – and we might never be aware that they do. When I started my blog, I didn’t have an audience… it built up over time. But audience or no, it has become valuable to me – just like a personal journal.
Think how many artists never gained recognition during their lifetime. We just have to do our work (both art and writing) in the hope that it might survive the test of time!